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Wolfish Delight

~ A peek into my mind ~

To think about nothing

Now you may be thinking what is this kid going on about, but just bear with me.

Recently I’ve come to realise that it’s rare for people in this day and age to just sit still and think about nothing, in other words meditation. While I don’t meditate everyday, I do sit with myself from time to time and just empty my mind.

And when I’m done, it truly feels like I’m waking up from a good nap. Not the kind that leaves you groggy and unaware of which decade you’re in.

You may think it’s useless to meditate because, who has the time? And there, in that question, is the reason why you should. You’ll make time to go to an event you don’t care about and to talk to that person that you really don’t like and yet, you can’t take 10 minutes out of your day to just… be?

We’ve all formed a dangerous habit of not allowing ourselves time to be with ourselves and now it’s become normal to be unable to be alone with your thoughts. It’s normal to scroll mindlessly through Instagram for hours and you feel as though your life just might implode if you can’t go on your phone.

But it’s not normal, your brain needs switch off time that isn’t just you falling asleep with stinging eyes after scrolling (again, aimlessly) through Instagram. You need to be actively allowing your mind to settle and to be able to gently pull it back on course when you start thinking about the homework you need to do or that form you need to fill out.

Social media, while useful at times, has made it far too easy to constantly be wasting time doing nothing productive while you tell me you cant spare 10 minutes to meditate and reflect on how you’re really feeling. During meditation you can allow yourself to become really aware of how you’re feeling and to check in on your body too. You’d be surprised how much you don’t notice in the hustle and bustle of life.

Maybe give it a try, and I mean an actual try not a half assed attempt at sitting still for two minutes then going on your phone. Put your phone on silent, get into a comfortable sitting position and let yourself be.

If you do try it, be sure to let me know how it goes!

Until next time 🙂

Don’t speak ill of others, or yourself

In one of my posts early last month, this one, I talked about how I have grown to be more positive over the years. I briefly mentioned how not gossiping about other people can really have an impact so I thought this week I’d go into more depth about it.

While I still think it’s healthy to vent to a trusted person about someone who has hurt you, I don’t think it’s healthy to continuously do so for a long period of time to just anyone who will listen. I’m SO guilty of this, I went on and on about a friendship break up I had for a year after it had happened and it took me a while to realise how unnecessary I was being. Instead of letting that wound heal I just kept opening it up over and over again. A key thing here is that no one told me I was being unnecessary, while I may have been repetitive it was still an interesting thing for people to listen in on. Everyone likes a bit of drama. It’s not like anything I was saying was new, people had heard it all before, there is only so much to a story and there’s no need to tire out all the details. The people I had this “break up” with were seemingly fine and carrying on with their lives. I just needed to get over myself. So I did, because there’s nothing left to talk about.

In general, being bitter about someone else’s life choices will rarely ever make yours better. Nor does it make you a better person. So what if that girl in your maths class like to sleep with a different guy every week? So what if that guy likes to be really extra with his revision? What does it even matter to you? If you spend all your time watching other people’s lives, you’ll just be wasting your own.

But, you can’t just gossip by yourself now can you? Watch what kind of people you hang around with, they’re the ones that influence you to bitch about people. Not just friends mind you, family too, my mum often talks about people negatively and I regularly have to call her out on it. Not that she enjoys it.

Something else I’ve noticed, it’s all well and good not talking smack about other people. But nothing will ever be more damaging than talking like that about yourself. People harp on about not talking about other people, but having positive self talk is the best thing you could ever do for yourself. If you start building this habit, it’s far less likely that you’ll be kicking yourself when you’re already down. Or alternatively, it’ll mean that you’re far less likely to take what bitter people say about you to heart.

Challenge yourself, maybe just for a day, or perhaps even a week, don’t allow yourself to say negative things about someone else or yourself. You’ll be surprised by how often you’ll catch yourself, I definitely was and still am. Do I still think these things? Absolutely! But there’s no real need for me to be giving off that type of negative energy. It’s not an easy thing to do but you’d be proud of yourself for trying!

Please do tweet, comment or dm me what you think of all of this! Have you tried this? Or, even better, are you going to give it a go?

Until next time 🙂

Growing to be more positive

If any of you had met me a few years ago, you would’ve labelled me a cynic. Which, believe it or not, was what I was going for. I wanted to be cynical, sarcastic, intimidating and seemingly unfeeling. All the things you would associate with the broody male love interest in a YA book.

I’m not entirely sure why I wanted to be like that, maybe it’s because I didn’t want to be anything like the more bubbly girls so I decided throwing myself onto the opposite end of the spectrum was the best idea. In my mind, being positive and kind meant you would easily get walked all over. Which of course, isn’t true.

So I spent up until I was about 15/16 trying to fit into this broody, angsty image of myself I had in my mind. I didn’t do very well. Then depression hit and I was not having a fun time, as you can imagine. Year 12 wasn’t any better because I was severely struggling to keep my head above the water. Then results day rolled around, I had unsurprisingly failed AS chemistry and it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me.

I feel like once I found out I failed chem, my mental health has only gotten better and I’m so much more positive than I have ever been in my life. Sure staying an extra year in sixth form isn’t ideal but it isn’t the worst that could’ve happened. I could’ve continued to struggle majorly with chemistry for another year, get bad grades, not get into the unis I wanted and end up in a much worse state of mind. Plus, having another year to think about my future and all has made me realise that psychology is not for me; I have no idea what drug I was on when I decided that was going to be a thing.

Being positive isn’t easy, but it’s worth the extra effort.

  • Try not to gossip (read: bitch) about people and see how your life changes.
  • Try to see the good in a situation, eg I failed chem but that means I don’t have to struggle through those lessons feeling useless anymore!
  • Stop comparing you, your situation etc to other people. Your story isn’t their story, get it together and better your own life instead of longing after someone else’s.
  • If you don’t need involve yourself in the drama then don’t, you’d be surprised how often you don’t need to

A favourite quote of mine is “Be better not bitter” because it’s simple and straight to the point. Being bitter isn’t going to get you anywhere, you’ll just be in the same place while everyone else who you’re so bitter about moves past you and onto a more successful life.

Growth is key in life. It doesn’t matter what age you are or how smart you think you are, you will always have some growing and learning to do.

Until next time 🙂

Being my own best friend

Being your own best friend, sounds like a bit of weird concept doesn’t it?

I’m at a point in my life where I feel very alone, I have a handful of people I can sort of rely on but I don’t feel comfortable doing so yet, plus I don’t think they could really help. I think I’m experiencing this specific part of my life to learn a very valuable lesson.

Time and time again I’ve realised that the only person I can truly rely on in my life is me, only I know how I’m feeling, only I’m going to be there during my 2am breakdowns. It only makes sense that I take care of myself does it not?

I’ve spent the majority of my life not being truly in tune with how I’ve been feeling, until I was about 15 I simply ignored anything that was uncomfortable and locked it away in an effort to not feel such things. That’s just how I learned to cope.

But now, a few months away from being 18, I’ve begun to feel everything. At quite an intense level. These waves of emotion have forced me to address what’s wrong with me and talk it out, with myself. Can you imagine trying to shove a whole ocean into a little box? It’s a hell of a lot scarier but a much better idea to let the ocean be and let the waves do their thing. The waves being my emotions, as you have probably gathered.

In amongst the emotional turmoil I’ve been experiencing these past few weeks, I’m happy to say that after a while of moping I eventually manage to talk myself into seeing the silver lining or perhaps accepting that I’m going to be suffering for the same reasons in the near future, and more importantly knowing that the situation is not something I can control.  I know I’m gonna be hurting regardless of what I do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a friend to myself and find ways to take care of myself at my lower points in life. For example for an upcoming ~situation~, I’ve planned out shows to watch, books to read and work outs to do, in an effort to keep myself busy and hopefully make myself tired enough that I’ll fall asleep quickly.

I’ve learnt from countless hours of psychology lessons about how avoiding things that induce anxiety will only reinforce the fear, so I’m trying to be at peace with such anxiety inducing stimuli in hopes of helping myself get over them. While the fear is very much so still there and I really don’t want those things to happen, I’ve almost convinced myself this is a good idea. Almost. Plus there is no alternative, I have to learn to cope with these things.

I hope my rambles have made sense. The only person you truly have in your life is yourself, so treat yourself right.

Until next time 🙂

 

Sex | My introduction

So, sex.

I did say I’d end up talking about it so let’s not be too scandalised here! I’ve been trying to break into the world of comfortably and casually talking about sex on my blog but I didn’t know how to so naturally, I just went ahead and did it!

I watch the likes of Hannah Witton and Melanie Murphy on YouTube, both of whom I think are fantastic women and I seriously need to get round to buying their books! Of the many many things that are amazing about them, they both comfortably speak about sex and all sex related things without the awkwardness. In a way I think sex should be talked about anyway, because it is normal and shouldn’t be considered as something taboo or even life changing. You won’t become a whole new person just because you had sex, trust me. Nor will anyone notice!

Sex can be a wonderful experience that you share with someone, it doesn’t have to be someone you’ve been in a relationship with for years if you don’t want it to be. Consent is key and please wait til you’re of legal age… On that note, just because you are of legal age doesn’t mean you have to have sex asap. Even if it feels great (?) to be able to say you’ve had sex, eventually you might regret rushing into just because it felt like everyone else was doing it. Some people are well into their 20s, 30s and beyond because they haven’t found someone they want to experience that with. And some people just don’t bother with it at all because it isn’t their jam, either way it’s all good.

Another tidbit of advice, I wouldn’t have high hopes for your first time. I highly doubt there will be fireworks going off in the background and if there were I’d be slightly worried about where it is that you’re having sex….

Big pink fireworks

Not all first time experiences are always horrific but because you’re just a tad inexperienced and if this is also your partner’s first time then you both have some fumbling around to do! Which just adds to the experience if I’m being honest, if you can find someone you can fumble (and fail with) and be able to laugh about it after (or even during!) then I think you’ve still had a successful experience!

There’s far more to this conversation that what I’ve merely outlined here, there will be more posts to come! Feel free to ask questions/leave ideas in the comments, on twitter or on Instagram! If I can answer them or write a post about them then I definitely will!

Until next time 🙂

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