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Wolfish Delight

~ A peek into my mind ~

Reflecting on 2017

Hey everyone! I hope you had a happy Christmas, and if Christmas isn’t your thing then I hope you’ve been having a nice chilled week!

In an attempt to be positive, half way through this fairly miserable year I restarted an old idea of mine. Where I write on small slips of paper good things that happen throughout the year, put them in a jar and then I go through and read them all at the end of the year. Seeing as it’s nearing the end of 2017 I thought I’d share them with you guys, there aren’t as many seeing as I only started this in July and kept forgetting about it!

I do plan to do this again for 2018 and will definitely do a round up post this time next year!

Here we go, not even in chronological order:

  1. I passed my theory test for driving
  2. Still a vegetarian! (1.5 years and counting!)
  3. I have a cactus
  4. My skin has improved massively
  5. Have started getting into cruelty free makeup
  6. I got a new room
  7. I’ve started journaling
  8. My body confidence and general self esteem has improved a lot
  9. I cut my hair (12 inches!)  and donated it to charity
  10. My poetry has improved
  11. Started self hosting my blog
  12. Still going strong my bf <3
  13. Really started appreciating Tamil films, songs and the language in general. (Tamil is my ‘mother tongue’ if you were wondering)
  14. I’m a lot less stressed at school, and this year is going much better than the last

There isn’t as many as there usually would be but I’m still happy about this list. I hope 2018 brings even better memories than this year, for all of us!

I have one more post that falls perfectly on New year’s eve, so until next time 🙂

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My actual thoughts on Christmas

Now, I don’t hate Christmas by any means, I enjoy the beautiful decor and general atmosphere in the weeks leading up to the big day. But you may have noticed the staggering lack of Christmassy posts from me in the sea of blogmas and just general Christmas content.

Christmas wasn’t really “enforced” growing up, it was always low key and quiet. Done for the sake of my brothers and I. Seeing as I don’t have much family in England, Christmas day wasn’t as extravagant as it was expected to be. After the initial present opening, the rest of the day seemed relatively normal.

While I do enjoy being organised and starting my Christmas shopping before December has even begun, it is a bit bothersome that you see Christmas splashed everywhere that you go from November onwards. Not because it’s too early as such, more that you get tired of it by the time the actual season rolls around.

There’s also the pressure to get presents, naturally. With some people there’s a blurry line whether you should get them something or not, always causes me some level of stress. But aside from that and the financial strain, I love getting presents for people I care about. Especially when you get to see their reaction to it, I think I did good with the presents I’ve gotten people this year even if I do say so myself! Although getting my bank statement for this month wasn’t all that great…

If I were to sort out my thoughts into a sentence it’s that I enjoy the atmosphere and the build up to it, just not that bothered about Christmas day itself.

How do you feel about Christmas?

Until next time 🙂

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Winter and my productivity

If you know me, you know I’ve always said that I loved Winter and Autumn. While that’s still true, I have a bone to pick with Winter. The cold I can deal with, the wind and rain, even the snow that makes life difficult, I can deal with all of that. But getting dark at 4pm? Really?

I was always adamant that I loved every part of these two cold seasons, but not anymore. The dark means that my parents are even more hesitant that usual to let me out. So ok, I’m stuck at home, now what? Nothing, because it takes a tremendous amount of effort to get any form of work done seeing as the lack of light outside makes me want to get into bed and stay there until it’s Spring…

Which isn’t useful when you have a blog to run and sixth form to get through… Plus, seeing as it’s basically pitch black by 5pm when 8pm rolls around I’m so ready to go to bed but I then realise I can’t after I look at the time and then at all the things I need to get done. 

Winter can be beautiful, incredibly so. As can the dark, “without the darkness, we’d never see the stars” etc. However, by living in a city I rarely see the stars anyway so there goes that.

In general, the dark doesn’t have a great affect on my mood and mindset. If I sit in the dark for too long, I just start feeling down and incredibly unmotivated for life. Sometimes I don’t get why it’s happening to me until I turn the light on and then it’s like ah right…

So the Summer wins on this one, and only this one,  brighter evenings are nice and I’d quite like them back now thanks.

Do you guys feel like this, or am I just being overly dramatic?

Until next time 🙂

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How much of my makeup is cruelty free?

As a vegetarian (working on being vegan), the lives of animals are just a tad bit important to me as are the conditions they live in. So naturally I’ve started looking into cruelty free makeup, at first I thought I had mostly non cruelty free (cruel?) makeup but after actually researching and having a look at my collection I’ve realised it’s quite the opposite!

So first up here are the ‘cruel’ makeup items that I have:

These are currently the two foundations that I own, I don’t wear them though because they make me all spotty and red afterwards. Plus my skin is fairly clear now, don’t need to run the risk of ruining it all over again. I’m thinking of donating them to a women’s charity if I can find one that’s ok with products being lightly used.

The rest of these are split up by brand, so this one is Avon. Which is a weird one, they say that they have not tested on animals in 25 years but then they say that they would if the law requires it. Now the only place that I know of that requires animal testing by law is China so they could just not sell in China :/

Next brand is Rimmel, which states very clearly on their website that they are against animal testing. However, they sell in China sooo the above point applies.

Maybelline, they test on animals because they sell in China also it’s owned by L’oreal which also tests on animals so it’s all absolutely wonderful.

Total of 11 cruel makeup products.

And then my cruelty free makeup is as follows:

All my cruelty free makeup is £10 and under, I don’t like to spend too much money in general so it’s not like I’m going to change my stance for makeup. The brands that I have are as follows:

  • Primark makeup
  • MUA
  • Makeup Revolution (& SophXmakeuprevolution)
  • Collection
  • Soap and glory
  • NYX*
  • Sleek*

*Parent company isn’t cruelty free

Total cruelty free makeup: 26

All in all I think I’m not doing too awfully, I am going to try and use up as much of the cruel makeup as I can. Or at least donate it to people who need it more than I do. (Giving it to Women’s shelters etc)

How cruel is your makeup collection?

Until next time 🙂

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Why I love to write

They say to be a good writer you need to read a lot. So that’s where my story begins, for as long as I can remember I’ve loved reading and books. Sometimes I get interested in other things for a period of time, like makeup, but I always wander back to books. I, of course, still love makeup but not to the magnitude that I love books.
But I haven’t been a writer as long as I’ve been a reader, I always wanted to write books but I wasn’t that great at it. I gave it a good go though! Then this year I revisited poetry, and I have enjoyed it. I still write poems but they usually stem from a raw and painful emotion I’m feeling at the time of writing it and sharing those poems would be equal to bearing my soul to you all. Which I’m not ready for, I can barely go back and read them the next day in fear of falling back into that place.
But I forgot how much I love writing these past few months, with the constant essays and coursework it’s easy to forget how to write from the soul.
And I love blogging, but I haven’t felt creative this past month. I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to monetise it and grow my following that I haven’t truly been writing about what want to write about. To be creative and let me soul speak for itself. All the blog posts I see around me are all about growing your blog, how to figure out SEO and monetising your blog.
All of which I appreciate very much and refer to when I’m stuck, but I don’t think I can write about those things and enjoy it. I want to make people feel something. Help them on a more personal scale, something that goes beyond how to grow your blog or what the latest lipstick I’m using is. I don’t want my blog to be a prettier version of the review section of Amazon or an instruction manual.
I don’t think I’m going to start spouting out stories and poems on this blog, I don’t think it’ll mesh well with the rest of my content and who knows how often I’ll be able to come up with that kind of content. So for that reason I’ve created a new instagram for my poetry, please go give that a follow! @ruthlessandbeautiful
And my blog? Well, I think I vaguely know what I’ll be doing with it, I’ll just continue on with writing the posts that I feel passionate about and see where it takes me!
Until next time 🙂
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How to survive winter

Now I would like to clarify that it’s not actually winter yet, Winter solstice is on the 21st December (sounds so magical doesn’t it!)

However, what with there being snow on the first day of December and very cold temperatures all round, it basically feels like winter now. With the crisp mornings and snowfall comes the disaster: cracked lips, waterfall for a nose, flaky skin, frozen toes etc etc. I’m sure you guys know what I’m talking about!
So how to combat it? I haven’t quite mastered the art of getting through winter gracefully but I’m willing to have a good go at it this year! Here are my top five tips, some may seem just a tad obvious but here we go:
  1. Lip balm, carry it everywhere! You too, men. Cracked, bleeding lips target everyone so go grab a tin of Vaseline and shove it in your bottomless pockets! BONUS, it can double up as a hand cream! Just rub some onto those dry patches on your hands; been there, done that. Would recommend!
  2. Now this is for the makeup wearers among us, I’ve decided that I don’t like matte lip things anymore. More so in the winter, just the thought of having to deal with matte lips is making my shoulders tense up, eugh. I’ve started getting into lipglosses, there are some out there that aren’t super gloopy! They’re a better alternative in my opinion because they kinda help out in the dry lips department instead of making it worse, as matte lipsticks would! I’ve only got one lipgloss at the moment, so I’ve taken to layering it over existing lipsticks I have to mix it up a little!
  3. Packets of tissues, have multiple. Your friends may not be as prepared and that stuff runs out fast so try to have at least two packs on you at any one time. Maybe one in your coat pocket and then another in your bag?
  4.  Ok this one may not work for some people depending on the type of shoes you wear, but I’m planning on wearing those fluffy “bed socks” with a pair of heeled boots that I have that are a size too big. Also, why are they called bed socks? Who wears socks to bed? My feet would get so sweaty :/ Do you wear socks to bed? Let me know! But anyway, even if you can’t wear fluffy socks, you could wear some ankle socks over your tights or wear multiple pairs of socks! Anything to keep those toes intact.
  5. Speaking of tights, don’t you hate it when you take one step out of the door and your tights have already fallen down well below your crotch and you have to do that awkward pulling-tights-up and-trying-not-to-flash-anyone thing? The only semi solution I’ve come up with thus far is tucking my top into my tights and then putting my skirt on. It isn’t foolproof but it has helped my tights stay up for way longer that they usually would’ve. This trick can usually last me the whole school day!
That’s all I’ve got today guys, until next time!
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An experience with catcalling

So remember in my first post where I said I’m not afraid to talk about the hush hush topics of life? Yeah here’s one of them.

Catcalling, one of the many delights us women face. Just keep in mind that this post is about ONE instance.

So, I got dressed for school and I was really happy with how I looked, more so than usual. I looked in the mirror and my first thought was “I look really good today!” Now my self-esteem isn’t horrendous but most days it’s more on the side of “eh it’ll do.”

As I was walking to school after my dad had dropped me off, I was outside for all of three minutes, in those three minutes two guys had honked their horns at me and the second made weird suggestive faces once he had gotten my attention. To which I rolled my eyes and went back to looking at my phone. Once I had crossed the road and gotten away from that creep, I began to feel uncomfortable. My previously positive thoughts about my looks were clouded with doubts.

Is my skirt too short?

Maybe I should cover my thighs with my bag…

Is anyone else looking at me funny?

And once I realised what was happening, I got angry. I tried to remind myself of how happy I felt when I looked in the mirror this morning.

And as if that wasn’t enough, while I was walking down after meeting my bf we walked past a bunch of builders. Now I’m not gonna lie, I was nervous. Maybe not nearly as much as if I was alone, but nervous nonetheless. Which is disgusting, that I can’t even walk to my own school in broad daylight without feeling self-conscious.

But I had faith, my boyfriend was right there so surely nothing would happen right? Nope. I walked through this group of builders with my boyfriend walking behind me, one of them was staring as I walked by and had the AUDACITY to tap my bf’s arm and make a suggestive face. THE FUCKING AUDACITY!!

Similar things have happened before but never so many in such a small space of time. All of this, from start to finish, probably happened in a 20 minute period?

To make matters worse, most guys don’t see what they’re doing as wrong. “Take it as a compliment” How about no. A compliment is when my friend tells me my hair looks nice, not when some low life creep honks his horn at me or when some guy old enough to be my dad no, be my granddad glues his eyes to my legs and won’t look away until I’m out of sight. Elders aren’t so wise when they think with their dicks.

Honestly, you don’t see lesbians staring open mouthed at other women. If they can be sexually attracted to women and still be a decent human being, I think men might just be able to manage it too.

Until next time 🙂

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Mug cake life

So this week I have been craving some cake, as you do. I do love baking but I currently don’t have much time or patience to be busting out all my baking equipment and making a full on cake, and I remembered hearing all about how mug cakes were so good as a quick fix. So I thought I’d give it a go, I was pretty sceptical I’m not gonna lie…

I googled a quick recipe that didn’t require egg, I wasn’t in the mood to be dealing with weirdly undercooked egg…I found a pretty simple recipe and I had basically all of the ingredients, I did however alter it a tad and it all worked out well! So my lil recipe is as follows:

Ingredients:

  • ~ 32g of Self raising flour
  • ¼ teaspoon of baking powder
  • 2 tablespoons of sugar
  • 1/8 of a teaspoon of salt
  • ~ 35ml of milk
  • 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil
  • 1 tablespoon of nutella (or anything else that you’d prefer to have melted at the centre of your cake)
  • *optional* whipped cream

Method:

  1. Measure and mix together all your dry ingredients
  2. Add milk and oil and mix until there are no more clumps
  3. Pour the batter into a mug of your choice, make sure there’s enough space for the cake to rise (I typically have half a mugful of batter)
  4. Drop your tablespoon of nutella into the middle, there’s no need to push it down
  5. Place your mug in the microwave and heat it for around 2 minutes (SEE NOTE)
  6. Take it out of the microwave, push a butter knife all the way through and if it’s all clean with no gloopy cake batter on it when you pull it put then your cake is done!
  7. Let it cool a bit and add your whipped cream if you would like!

NOTE: My microwave was 750 watts and I put it on medium heat and left my mug in there for three minutes and it came out perfectly, so alter accordingly and keep an eye on it if you’re not sure.

And voila! Should take you under 10 minutes, and you’ll have a delicious lil cake to satisfy your cravings!

Until next time 🙂

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I don’t use face wash

And my face is loving it!

Since I was about 12 I’ve been using various face washes, my acne phase properly started at 13 and didn’t really calm down until… well, until I stopped using face washes really. Going on the pill back in August helped a bit but I was still having regular breakouts.

I decided to switch to natural methods because a) I began to notice the same pattern with all the face washes I used, I would notice a reduction in my spots for the first few uses and then after that there would be no effect. I’d just be drying out my skin massively twice a day, not really a nice feeling. And b­­) Being south Asian and all, natural methods are the go to and it seemed like it was so obvious for me to give them a go!

For the most part of these past few months, I’ve been using rose water as my “face wash” I would spray a bit on my face and also onto a cotton pad and then just wipe it all off, along with all the dirt on my face. I’d of course then moisturise afterwards. The bonus was that I could get a bottle of rose water for as little as 70p! I have noticed a reduction in my spots but something that I’ve never had before is a reduction in oil, my skin has been considered oily for years. I couldn’t get through a school day without my skin turning into a grease ball. Now, I can get through the whole day and just be a tiny bit oily on my nose and that be it! Which makes sense as my skin is no longer being stripped of all its necessary oils on a daily basis.

I’ve now started experimenting with using honey as a face wash (literally just some honey from my kitchen!) and now using my rose water as a toner. I’ve been doing this for the past few weeks and I’ve had friends and family commenting on my lack of spots, and the spots that do pop up usually don’t last long and aren’t as inflamed as they used it be. I do really hate the smell and taste of honey but if it’s helping my skin clear up I’m sure I can tolerate it. Honey (the more raw the honey, the better it is btw) has the antibacterial and anti-inflammatory qualities necessary without the excessive drying tendencies of your standard foaming face wash. Usually cheaper too, so an all-round win!

Along with exfoliating about twice a week, that’s all I do to my face and it has improved massively!

Until next time 🙂

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My body image and me

Since I was about 6, I have been considered ‘chubby.’ I always had to wear clothes that weren’t for my age group. So at 6 I wore clothes that were for 7 or 8 year olds, even then it was a struggle. And my god did my family tease me. I don’t think I was that bothered by it as a kid, I was just really aware that I was fat. And that it was a bad thing. (It isn’t)

And then I reached 12 years old and since then my stomach has been my biggest insecurity. Literally… Along with other parts of my body, naturally. When I got changed I would do it so quickly and I wouldn’t stand in front of a mirror because I was afraid of what I’d see. That, my dear friends, was a big mistake. Because I can recommend nothing more highly that actually stopping and looking at yourself in the mirror while in your underwear (or naked??) to improve your self-esteem and perception of yourself. Why? Because you can see what your body actually looks like and hopefully realise it’s not as bad as you thought. Our brains naturally tend to go straight to the worst case scenario, mine definitely did. All those years I avoided my body, my brain was making awful assumptions and was making me seem so much worse than I actually was.

But I’ve learnt not to hate my stomach a much as I used to, I’m not sure what has come over me. I, of course, still have days where I’d rather the stomach pudge wasn’t there but it’s not as extreme as it used to be. I’ve embraced the pudge, to an extent. I think it’s because I decided I was going to focus on the parts of my body I do like. I like my legs and my boobs, my butt could use some work but we’ll get there eventually!

I’m still learning to love my body, but I’ve come a long way.

Until next time 🙂

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