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Wolfish Delight

~ A peek into my mind ~

Your local bi gal

So I can’t remember if I ever gathered the courage to post it but I remember writing a blog post last year about being bicurious. It was just before I set up this blog so I’m not sure how many of you guys had read it, if I even posted it! But that was back in October 2017. Then after much contemplation, I realised I really was bi. Just before my 18th birthday no less, people on social media quickly found out because why not tell a bunch of strangers and internet friends?? They’re probably the most open minded people I will ever know.

I'm bi!

Telling people in real life though? That was a struggle. My boyfriend already knew because he was the one I discussed it all with to figure it all out and he was chill with it. I kept quiet about it for a while and then I decided I was ready to tell some close friends. I tried to do it in person but I’m sure we can all agree that would be terrifying. So I decided to go down the messaging route. It went well too! One guy was like cool and then two other friends just had a million questions about being bi and that was all.

Would I ever tell my parents? No, never. They don’t know I have a boyfriend and they’d be furious over that, I don’t need to also add that I have the hots for women. I’m good, thanks.

I just felt like pride month was the perfect time to write this post so here we are! I am open to doing a bi q and a post, leave me questions on twitter and I’ll compile them into a post or curious cat if you want to be anonymous!

Until next time 🙂

Being my own best friend

Being your own best friend, sounds like a bit of weird concept doesn’t it?

I’m at a point in my life where I feel very alone, I have a handful of people I can sort of rely on but I don’t feel comfortable doing so yet, plus I don’t think they could really help. I think I’m experiencing this specific part of my life to learn a very valuable lesson.

Time and time again I’ve realised that the only person I can truly rely on in my life is me, only I know how I’m feeling, only I’m going to be there during my 2am breakdowns. It only makes sense that I take care of myself does it not?

I’ve spent the majority of my life not being truly in tune with how I’ve been feeling, until I was about 15 I simply ignored anything that was uncomfortable and locked it away in an effort to not feel such things. That’s just how I learned to cope.

But now, a few months away from being 18, I’ve begun to feel everything. At quite an intense level. These waves of emotion have forced me to address what’s wrong with me and talk it out, with myself. Can you imagine trying to shove a whole ocean into a little box? It’s a hell of a lot scarier but a much better idea to let the ocean be and let the waves do their thing. The waves being my emotions, as you have probably gathered.

In amongst the emotional turmoil I’ve been experiencing these past few weeks, I’m happy to say that after a while of moping I eventually manage to talk myself into seeing the silver lining or perhaps accepting that I’m going to be suffering for the same reasons in the near future, and more importantly knowing that the situation is not something I can control.  I know I’m gonna be hurting regardless of what I do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a friend to myself and find ways to take care of myself at my lower points in life. For example for an upcoming ~situation~, I’ve planned out shows to watch, books to read and work outs to do, in an effort to keep myself busy and hopefully make myself tired enough that I’ll fall asleep quickly.

I’ve learnt from countless hours of psychology lessons about how avoiding things that induce anxiety will only reinforce the fear, so I’m trying to be at peace with such anxiety inducing stimuli in hopes of helping myself get over them. While the fear is very much so still there and I really don’t want those things to happen, I’ve almost convinced myself this is a good idea. Almost. Plus there is no alternative, I have to learn to cope with these things.

I hope my rambles have made sense. The only person you truly have in your life is yourself, so treat yourself right.

Until next time 🙂