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Wolfish Delight

~ A peek into my mind ~

Being my own best friend

Being your own best friend, sounds like a bit of weird concept doesn’t it?

I’m at a point in my life where I feel very alone, I have a handful of people I can sort of rely on but I don’t feel comfortable doing so yet, plus I don’t think they could really help. I think I’m experiencing this specific part of my life to learn a very valuable lesson.

Time and time again I’ve realised that the only person I can truly rely on in my life is me, only I know how I’m feeling, only I’m going to be there during my 2am breakdowns. It only makes sense that I take care of myself does it not?

I’ve spent the majority of my life not being truly in tune with how I’ve been feeling, until I was about 15 I simply ignored anything that was uncomfortable and locked it away in an effort to not feel such things. That’s just how I learned to cope.

But now, a few months away from being 18, I’ve begun to feel everything. At quite an intense level. These waves of emotion have forced me to address what’s wrong with me and talk it out, with myself. Can you imagine trying to shove a whole ocean into a little box? It’s a hell of a lot scarier but a much better idea to let the ocean be and let the waves do their thing. The waves being my emotions, as you have probably gathered.

In amongst the emotional turmoil I’ve been experiencing these past few weeks, I’m happy to say that after a while of moping I eventually manage to talk myself into seeing the silver lining or perhaps accepting that I’m going to be suffering for the same reasons in the near future, and more importantly knowing that the situation is not something I can control.  I know I’m gonna be hurting regardless of what I do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a friend to myself and find ways to take care of myself at my lower points in life. For example for an upcoming ~situation~, I’ve planned out shows to watch, books to read and work outs to do, in an effort to keep myself busy and hopefully make myself tired enough that I’ll fall asleep quickly.

I’ve learnt from countless hours of psychology lessons about how avoiding things that induce anxiety will only reinforce the fear, so I’m trying to be at peace with such anxiety inducing stimuli in hopes of helping myself get over them. While the fear is very much so still there and I really don’t want those things to happen, I’ve almost convinced myself this is a good idea. Almost. Plus there is no alternative, I have to learn to cope with these things.

I hope my rambles have made sense. The only person you truly have in your life is yourself, so treat yourself right.

Until next time 🙂