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Wolfish Delight

~ A peek into my mind ~

Job prospects, driving and blogging for fun|Where I’m at right now

I felt like writing a blog post but I couldn’t think of an “idea” so I thought I’d just talk about how my life is going at the mo.

After spending almost two years trying to get a job, I decided that it would be a good idea to try and get some retail experience in a charity shop. I wasn’t getting jobs because I was a total noob with very little relevant work experience. I kinda wish I did charity work sooner but ah well. Saying that I did try when I was 14 but the places I went to were full or they wanted me to be 16. So I’m starting at a local charity shop today, I went in to speak to the assistant manager yesterday and she was so nice so I feel way less nervous about going in! It’s a PDSA charity shop & I love animals so it all works out perfectly.

In other news I’ve had to postpone my driving test again because my instructor doesn’t think I’m quite ready yet. I’m kinda sad but also really relieved too because I don’t think I’m quite ready yet tbh. I don’t see the point in rushing into it as that’s going to be a waste of money and I might as well wait so that I do my test when I’m ready and feel as though I can actually pass.

I’ve got one week left of school and I cannot wait for it to be over because I’m so tired of it. I’m going to Scotland during the holidays so I’m hoping to write some posts about that, hopefully I’ll manage to write a couple and not just one because I have a lot of ideas. I’ve also made my tattoo consultation appointment so hopefully if that all goes well I’ll be getting a tattoo within the next few weeks as well which is quite exciting!

Blog wise, I’ve decided that I won’t be renewing my blog hosting in November and I’ll be reverting back to being a WordPress.com blog. I was quite on the fence about this decision until recently, I’m now excited about going back to being a non self hosted blog! I’ll feel much much happier while blogging and I’ve finally decided that my blog is 100% just for fun. No worries about growing my following or trying to make money from it all. If it happens by itself a few years down the line then great! But it’s no longer a priority. For this reason I also went ahead and deleted my blog ig, I made it because I thought that’s what bloggers had to do but not anymore!

I think those are the most interesting things that are happening at the moment so there we go.

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Until next time 🙂

Being my own best friend

Being your own best friend, sounds like a bit of weird concept doesn’t it?

I’m at a point in my life where I feel very alone, I have a handful of people I can sort of rely on but I don’t feel comfortable doing so yet, plus I don’t think they could really help. I think I’m experiencing this specific part of my life to learn a very valuable lesson.

Time and time again I’ve realised that the only person I can truly rely on in my life is me, only I know how I’m feeling, only I’m going to be there during my 2am breakdowns. It only makes sense that I take care of myself does it not?

I’ve spent the majority of my life not being truly in tune with how I’ve been feeling, until I was about 15 I simply ignored anything that was uncomfortable and locked it away in an effort to not feel such things. That’s just how I learned to cope.

But now, a few months away from being 18, I’ve begun to feel everything. At quite an intense level. These waves of emotion have forced me to address what’s wrong with me and talk it out, with myself. Can you imagine trying to shove a whole ocean into a little box? It’s a hell of a lot scarier but a much better idea to let the ocean be and let the waves do their thing. The waves being my emotions, as you have probably gathered.

In amongst the emotional turmoil I’ve been experiencing these past few weeks, I’m happy to say that after a while of moping I eventually manage to talk myself into seeing the silver lining or perhaps accepting that I’m going to be suffering for the same reasons in the near future, and more importantly knowing that the situation is not something I can control.  I know I’m gonna be hurting regardless of what I do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be a friend to myself and find ways to take care of myself at my lower points in life. For example for an upcoming ~situation~, I’ve planned out shows to watch, books to read and work outs to do, in an effort to keep myself busy and hopefully make myself tired enough that I’ll fall asleep quickly.

I’ve learnt from countless hours of psychology lessons about how avoiding things that induce anxiety will only reinforce the fear, so I’m trying to be at peace with such anxiety inducing stimuli in hopes of helping myself get over them. While the fear is very much so still there and I really don’t want those things to happen, I’ve almost convinced myself this is a good idea. Almost. Plus there is no alternative, I have to learn to cope with these things.

I hope my rambles have made sense. The only person you truly have in your life is yourself, so treat yourself right.

Until next time 🙂