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Wolfish Delight

~ A peek into my mind ~

My body image and me

Since I was about 6, I have been considered ‘chubby.’ I always had to wear clothes that weren’t for my age group. So at 6 I wore clothes that were for 7 or 8 year olds, even then it was a struggle. And my god did my family tease me. I don’t think I was that bothered by it as a kid, I was just really aware that I was fat. And that it was a bad thing. (It isn’t)

And then I reached 12 years old and since then my stomach has been my biggest insecurity. Literally… Along with other parts of my body, naturally. When I got changed I would do it so quickly and I wouldn’t stand in front of a mirror because I was afraid of what I’d see. That, my dear friends, was a big mistake. Because I can recommend nothing more highly that actually stopping and looking at yourself in the mirror while in your underwear (or naked??) to improve your self-esteem and perception of yourself. Why? Because you can see what your body actually looks like and hopefully realise it’s not as bad as you thought. Our brains naturally tend to go straight to the worst case scenario, mine definitely did. All those years I avoided my body, my brain was making awful assumptions and was making me seem so much worse than I actually was.

But I’ve learnt not to hate my stomach a much as I used to, I’m not sure what has come over me. I, of course, still have days where I’d rather the stomach pudge wasn’t there but it’s not as extreme as it used to be. I’ve embraced the pudge, to an extent. I think it’s because I decided I was going to focus on the parts of my body I do like. I like my legs and my boobs, my butt could use some work but we’ll get there eventually!

I’m still learning to love my body, but I’ve come a long way.

Until next time 🙂

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Being selfish in the name of self love

Sometimes, you just need to step back, from the hustle of life and the stresses of other people. Now I don’t know about you guys, but I get asked for advice. Less so now because I literally talk to about five people about things that go deeper than how my weekend was. By choice mind you, I don’t know how I managed it but I’ve shrunken my circle of friends and I’m more than satisfied with it. But before, I’d get questions from people I barely knew, they’d spill their most personal stories to me and ask me what they should do. And I’d try and help but I’m no psychologist, there’s not doctor patient confidentiality here. I felt compelled to help, because “how rude would I be if I didn’t?”

And after a while, it started to wear me down. I didn’t want to talk to certain people because “oh what are they gonna dump on me today?” Our conversations just became about their struggles, sometimes their own faults and they were just making the same mistakes over and over again. I have very little patience as is so imagine having to deal with someone coming back to you with the same issue because they couldn’t be bothered to change their ways. It was exhausting, and I was at a point in my life where I was already barely keeping my head above the water, I can’t hold other people up too! I have a select few people who I would gladly help. No doubt about it. They get me and my limits, I appreciate that.

But it’s not selfish to look after yourself, it has been pushed onto us since we could talk that we must put others before ourselves and we must be ready to help them at any point. But when you think about that, how is that even anywhere near healthy? I mean sure you shouldn’t be self-obsessed, but there’s a huge difference between being self-obsessed and making sure that your basic needs are being met. Both physically and mentally mind you. I’m not saying don’t help people, I’m just telling you to be wary of when it gets too much for you and to be able to take a step back and not feel guilty about it.

Until next time 🙂

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