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Wolfish Delight

~ A peek into my mind ~

Why I probably won’t drink

So, alcohol. There’s a lowkey pressure to go to parties, drink alcohol and ~have fun~ once you hit your late teens/early 20s and beyond.

But what if I told you, brace yourselves here, that you could have fun without drinking? Shocking, I know.

Kermit the frog, looking very much drunk, lying on a bench with empty bottles of alcohol around him

I couldn’t resist!

All sarcasm aside, I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with drinking. It’s not a sin, just be as responsible as you can be and make sure you’re keeping yourself and others safe. So no drunk driving, seriously, there’s no need.

But just because I don’t disagree with it doesn’t mean I have to take part in it yknow? I just don’t think it’s my kinda thing in general. Loud parties and drunk sweaty teenagers? No thank you! I don’t enjoy the thought of not being as in control of what I say or do. I can only imagine the kind of things I’d end up saying to people if I didn’t  have a filter… *shudder*

I think if my some random chance I did decide to go to a party, I’d prefer to take care of my drunk-off-their-face friends and make sure they got home safe and sound.

Plus, I’ve seen countless family breakdowns within close family friends which may not have happened if there was no alcohol present. Of course alcohol is not the one solely to blame but I can’t help but think of it as an enabler. My temper isn’t exactly great and I don’t think alcohol could help, plus I’d rather not find that alcohol “helps”, using that term very loosely, with my mental illness and then start depending on it. In an extreme case of course. 

I thought I’d just write this post to say you’re not weird if you don’t wanna drink, it’s a perfectly normal standpoint to have and you shouldn’t let anyone make you feel like you have to drink to be interesting.

Until next time 🙂

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An experience with catcalling

So remember in my first post where I said I’m not afraid to talk about the hush hush topics of life? Yeah here’s one of them.

Catcalling, one of the many delights us women face. Just keep in mind that this post is about ONE instance.

So, I got dressed for school and I was really happy with how I looked, more so than usual. I looked in the mirror and my first thought was “I look really good today!” Now my self-esteem isn’t horrendous but most days it’s more on the side of “eh it’ll do.”

As I was walking to school after my dad had dropped me off, I was outside for all of three minutes, in those three minutes two guys had honked their horns at me and the second made weird suggestive faces once he had gotten my attention. To which I rolled my eyes and went back to looking at my phone. Once I had crossed the road and gotten away from that creep, I began to feel uncomfortable. My previously positive thoughts about my looks were clouded with doubts.

Is my skirt too short?

Maybe I should cover my thighs with my bag…

Is anyone else looking at me funny?

And once I realised what was happening, I got angry. I tried to remind myself of how happy I felt when I looked in the mirror this morning.

And as if that wasn’t enough, while I was walking down after meeting my bf we walked past a bunch of builders. Now I’m not gonna lie, I was nervous. Maybe not nearly as much as if I was alone, but nervous nonetheless. Which is disgusting, that I can’t even walk to my own school in broad daylight without feeling self-conscious.

But I had faith, my boyfriend was right there so surely nothing would happen right? Nope. I walked through this group of builders with my boyfriend walking behind me, one of them was staring as I walked by and had the AUDACITY to tap my bf’s arm and make a suggestive face. THE FUCKING AUDACITY!!

Similar things have happened before but never so many in such a small space of time. All of this, from start to finish, probably happened in a 20 minute period?

To make matters worse, most guys don’t see what they’re doing as wrong. “Take it as a compliment” How about no. A compliment is when my friend tells me my hair looks nice, not when some low life creep honks his horn at me or when some guy old enough to be my dad no, be my granddad glues his eyes to my legs and won’t look away until I’m out of sight. Elders aren’t so wise when they think with their dicks.

Honestly, you don’t see lesbians staring open mouthed at other women. If they can be sexually attracted to women and still be a decent human being, I think men might just be able to manage it too.

Until next time 🙂

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My body image and me

Since I was about 6, I have been considered ‘chubby.’ I always had to wear clothes that weren’t for my age group. So at 6 I wore clothes that were for 7 or 8 year olds, even then it was a struggle. And my god did my family tease me. I don’t think I was that bothered by it as a kid, I was just really aware that I was fat. And that it was a bad thing. (It isn’t)

And then I reached 12 years old and since then my stomach has been my biggest insecurity. Literally… Along with other parts of my body, naturally. When I got changed I would do it so quickly and I wouldn’t stand in front of a mirror because I was afraid of what I’d see. That, my dear friends, was a big mistake. Because I can recommend nothing more highly that actually stopping and looking at yourself in the mirror while in your underwear (or naked??) to improve your self-esteem and perception of yourself. Why? Because you can see what your body actually looks like and hopefully realise it’s not as bad as you thought. Our brains naturally tend to go straight to the worst case scenario, mine definitely did. All those years I avoided my body, my brain was making awful assumptions and was making me seem so much worse than I actually was.

But I’ve learnt not to hate my stomach a much as I used to, I’m not sure what has come over me. I, of course, still have days where I’d rather the stomach pudge wasn’t there but it’s not as extreme as it used to be. I’ve embraced the pudge, to an extent. I think it’s because I decided I was going to focus on the parts of my body I do like. I like my legs and my boobs, my butt could use some work but we’ll get there eventually!

I’m still learning to love my body, but I’ve come a long way.

Until next time 🙂

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